She spoke to me again today.
While I will never, ever let up on who exactly she is, as I know that would breach my commitment to never, ever make this journal personal, I will tell you that she is very beautiful, and that we deserve each other, etc. I was actually wondering how long it would take me to get to this particular entry.
Perhaps it is infatuation, perhaps it is something more. I've long been a supporter of not calling anything a relationship unless it is serious, that is, a relationship is only a relationship to a degree. I do believe that that loving multiple people is possible, which throws out a theory of there being a "one true love." Some might consider this notion sick and perverted, others may call it human nature. I personally believe that the love is like a plant--the amount of time you spend nurturing it and caring for it (or the other person for that matter) is directly proportional to the size of the love in question, that is, the more you practice at it, the more passionate the love will be. Love grows, and there is a basic love for every other person on this earth by every other person on this earth,
And of course, it becomes obvious from this entry that this may be the result of a hormonal, adolescent phase, and the problems with that theory include: a) I can actually diagnose myself, and admit that it might be just like an addiction, and as far as I know I've been able to control it, and b) I'm 18 and a half. So this theory might not be altogether true.
Often times seniors in high school will enter relationships with juniors or other "underclassmen." I believe this to be a lie: these are simply friendships with a high degree of infatuation for the other person. Both know, even if it is subconsciously, that the senior must move away, to college, and must make something of his/her self.
So in this sense, why bother entering into a "relationship" with someone until you are out of college, when you can support yourself and you probably aren't going anywhere for an amount of time? If you are a senior/junior who is involved with someone else, ask yourself this: what will you do when the other person must leave? Will you do everything in your power to be with him/her again? Will you wait it out in hopes that your love will be faithful? Or will you move on, admitting to yourself that my theory of love-growth is true, and that it is possible to love more than one person? And if it's a yes to that last question, am I really that insane, or outrageous with these theories?
I'm not trying to scorn love, because everyone who scorns love is criticized: those who have never been in love are criticized for not knowing what it's like, and those who have been in love many times are criticized for being jaded, for getting the short straw. Instead, I'm trying to point out some of the flaws of making "relationships"--things that aren't really what they are called, calling things that aren't really what they are.
So I encourage you to think before entering into a relationship. I don't want to debunk everything I just said by saying, "oh, well you can never really know for sure," but just be careful in choosing the person you want to work with at love. It may sound cold, describing love as mechanical work, requiring its participants to strive for the highest level of love, but I beg of you to think of it as something natural--think of your love as a flower, or better yet a tree. It is, after all, human nature to love.
